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Morning Routine Optimisations (Terminally Online%)

Instructions on how to slowly kill yourself

This guide will maybe help you into optimising your morning routine, you can think of this as a speedrunning :O strategy of your morning routine or something like that.

Go to bed as late as possible

This guide is for the terminally online, you WILL go to bed as late as possible in order the scrape the last drops of dopamine your brain can produce with the friends that live inside your computer, it is for this reason that you will also need to optimize your morning routine so that you can sleep as much as possible to recover and not die.

Wake up as late as possible

This is why as I said we need an strategy, and I guess you need to recover too.

Strategies

Skip breakfast and all other useless time consuming things you do in the morning like showering and stuff, I don’t understand the point of showering in the morning instead of at night because you will sleep dirty, if you shower at night and in the morning I can understand it but yeah don’t shower or take breakfast, what you will do is in this order, it’s better to follow the order:

• Get off your bed
• Drink water
• Brush your teeth
• Piss
• Get dressed up
• Leave

Weekend Grace Period!

If you’re on weekend or school break for example and that you have previously slept for like 10 to 12 hours, you can sleep at 2 to 3 am, get 5 or 4 hours of sleep and still be able to walk around and answer questions at probably 70% capacity or more if you drink some coffee! This is the grace period. Do not abuse it: if you get 4 hours of sleep after a school break because you’re like Konata or something and you like doing all nighters meaning you have trouble sleeping and you end up falling asleep at 3 am the first day, that’s ok, but if you do it twice, say, 4 hours of sleep followed by less than at the vest least 7 hours than sleep the next, you’re going to end up like a vegetable, no amount of coffee will save you.

Getting of your bed is difficult because you’re probably tired from this, drinking water will ensure you won’t die of dehydration, brushing your teeth and pissing before getting dressed will ensure that you an accident won’t happen.

You will also not prepare anything to bring with you because that’s a waste of time, you can just survive with nothing but water during the day and you only eat when you come back home. You will also not pay anything to eat because it’s expensive and we’re trying to save money here. Preparing your food before going to sleep is a good alternative if you’re not playing the Terminally Online% speedrunning category.

This is a shit blog I wrote because I was bored, don’t do this lol

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Created on: Wednesday, 8 May 2024